Effective Communication Skills Training: Concise, Clear, Confident. Part 7 (of 7) | Nonverbal Tips


Congratulations. You made it. You’re about to start the 7th class of 7 in Concise, Clear and Confident
Communication. If for some reason you found this last video first then you can
go back and do the whole course. Otherwise if you’ve been going all the
way through, I’m really happy for you. I encourage you to watch these videos as
many times as you need to to really make these tips and strategies habit. Because
that’s where it’s going to start to make a difference in your life. So let’s wrap things up. In our previous
lesson we looked at how to get rid of fillers. In lesson 7, we’re going to hit
on confident nonverbals. So tip 7 is confident nonverbals enhance your message. All the previous six lessons are mostly to do with words and how you sound verbally. But, these nonverbal messages
can enhance or detract from what you’re saying. So people form impressions about how you come across through nonverbal communication. Distracting nonverbals
will diminish or take away from your communication, your message and confident nonverbals will add to it. To say something “with confidence” means that you sound and look confident not just that you’re saying confident words. Strategy number one. Use direct eye
contact. Most people drastically underestimate
the power of direct eye contact. Make direct eye contact when speaking and
listening. Both are very important. Strive for 80% of the time in your
conversations and 99% of the time during presentations. Most of us
underestimate the need that others have for us to be looking directly at them.
When we speak and so those numbers will give you a good gauge. Adrian Furnham a
PhD researcher that’s spent a lot of time working on eye contact said “The
confident, the bright, and the socially dominant, look more with direct eye
contact, while it is the opposite for the socially anxious. In this society we
generally interpret direct eye contact as confident and the lack of direct eye
contact as signaling some kind of issue. Often times social anxiety or even just a lack of
confidence in general. “Direct” means right into their eyes. Not like these two people
who are looking elsewhere. Sometimes above people’s head sometimes over their shoulders. You do not want to be in this kind of situation. When you’re looking
directly at somebody, it says, hey, I see you. And they look back and it’s, hey, I see
you too. There’s a connection there. So what does
that look like in practice? Like you’re looking directly into the lens of the
camera. Someone says hey look right here. We’re going to take a picture. You want
to look right into their eyes. And again in a conversation, it’s 80% of
the time. You don’t want you to stare, but you want to look at them the vast majority of the time to show
them that you’re communicating. You’re locked into what you’re saying and
you’re locked into listening to what they say. Strategy two is to avoid “up
talk.” This is a nonverbal tendency. Up talk describes the upward inflection
used to make a statement sound like a question, sometimes called up speak. And it sounds like this. I wanted to be to discuss the plans? I was hoping to have
that nail down today? Many of the new hires need this training badly? Now
clearly these are not questions but you’ve probably heard up speak or up
talk from people. Maybe you do it. It’s becoming much more common among the younger generation and it’s become a real issue in professional settings. But
instead of this, you want your sentences to go down at the end. So if there’s a period, you want them to go down like the period signals. I wanted to meet to discuss the plans. I
was hoping to have the nail down today. Many of the new hires need this training
badly. That’s a statement. And that’s what it
should sound like. You may not realize, however, that you’re up talking. A lot of
people don’t even know they’re doing it. I recommend asking a trusted friend to
listen to you talk to see if you do it. And then commit. If your are doing up
talk, I want you to commit to landing at the end of sentences. And boy is this a
hard habit to break. But it’s well worth it because you don’t want to sound like
the person who’s never sure of what they’re saying. Strategy 3
is to smile. Who doesn’t like a smile? People often don’t realize that they’re
scowling or have that stone-faced expression when they’re walking around
talking to people but many people just don’t smile. And, as a result, they don’t
sound confident and they don’t look confident to other people. Even if their
words are confident they’re not going to come across as feeling really
comfortable with what they say. Because confident people smile. So you want to
practice smiling a little as you talk. I don’t think you should plaster on a
phony smile that’s just not me. But you want to practice smiling a little. So in
other words instead of a stone-faced for that scowl, be aware of your facial
expression and if you’re happy then show it with your face. Sarah Silverman, a comedian, was talking
to a young friend of hers who had that scowl on her face even though she claims
she wasn’t upset. And Sarah Silverman said, “I going to change your life right now. If that’s your default face, put a smile on there.” A lot of us need to warm up our
facial expression so we come across more confident in what we’re saying. So use
confident nonverbals. Our takeaway strategies from this lesson are to use
direct eye contact. That is number one. Avoid up talk. And if you do this, you
want to ask a friend to listen and give you that give you that advice and then
come down at the end your sentences. And then practice smiling a little. Warm that
face up and communicate that confidence. So practice these tips and strategies. As
Jim Rohn said, “Motivation is what get you started. Habit is what keeps you
going.” Speaking of nice concise statements, that’s an amazing one and it couldn’t be
more true. So you’re learning some things by watching these lessons once. I recommend you watch them as many times as you need to to put these tips into practice and
make them a habit. It’s been a pleasure learning with you through this
mini-course on Concise, Clear, and Confident Communication. I encourage you to put them into practice and I look forward to learning with you in the
future.

8 Replies to “Effective Communication Skills Training: Concise, Clear, Confident. Part 7 (of 7) | Nonverbal Tips”

  1. Hey Alex, I am impressed with your style of teaching these basic communication skills and will recommend your channel to others. It may be within my power to give you a few pointers to improve your video presentations if you wish.
    Cheers,
    JY

  2. THANKS A MILLION for such a life-saving course!!! I really love it.
    I have a problem with my talk. I jump from point to point. I do believe I have good ideas but I can't deliver them the way I want it to be. I'll try to apply your tips. Thank you so much.

  3. Thanks for this course. I have a problem with over explaining when I use Email to speak about something difficult. I structure my sentences well but I end up with several paragraphs. I delete and rewrite it with the same result and I am often embarrassed about it later. Face to face I'm okay but in Emails I feel I have to commend, send a message, give background information, what I did about it, why I responded that way, a summary, and what I hope we can do about it (almost all in separate paragraphs) I don't understand fully why it's wrong but most people don't like it and I hope to be more conscise.

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