History’s Most Doomed Expeditions [Full Episode]


– [Announcer] Hey kids,
remember, everything you’re about to learn is real! ♪ Look at all the wonders
that a single class can find ♪ ♪ When they decide to shut their mouths ♪ ♪ And open up their minds ♪ ♪ Sex and (beep) and crime and pain ♪ ♪ All this crap will be explained ♪ ♪ And while we’re at it,
let’s try to have some fun ♪ ♪ Talkin’ ’bout what the (beep) 101 ♪ ♪ Come and see the worst of history ♪ ♪ What the (beep) 101 ♪ ♪ Come and see the life and misery ♪ ♪ So if you think learning sucks ♪ ♪ Well let me show you ♪ (screaming) – No, no, no, no, no! ♪ It’s what the (beep) 101 ♪ – With me, professor Foxtrot. (screaming) – Is River dead?! – Who was that man?! – Aah, what the (beep) is happening?! I don’t understand! – Everyone calm down. River is fine, probably. Maybe. – What the hell happened to her? – Dr. Gamma was probably trying to zap me back to the Q dimension. I’m sure River is safe there. – What’s the Q dimension? – A prison dimension ungoverned by the laws of God man and physics. Where the maddest most
dangerous mad scientist are locked up! But I’m sure she’s fine. (moaning) (futuristic music) – Hello? (echos) That’s weird. (tornado whirling) (cat meowing and glitching) This place is (beep) sick! – That Foxtrot is always
making a mess of things. – Oh. – You’re not supposed to be here! But I suppose you can still be useful. (chuckles) – Uh, what’s up? – I’m just going to keep
an eye on you and then, I’ll finally apprehend Foxtrot
once she inevitably comes to collect you. (chuckles) (dramatic music) (robotic whirring) – So, I think we should
probably just leave River where she is. – What?! Are you crazy? We can’t do that. – Sure we can! Bringing you to the Q dimension
is quite an expedition. And if history teaches us anything. It’s that expeditions can
go terribly, terribly wrong! (electronic humming) Follow me! – But what about River? Hey! Miss Foxtrot, where are you going? We’re not done talking about this! (electronic humming) – It’s July of 1897 and– – Miss Foxtrot, no. We can’t go on another
educational adventure right now. River needs our help. Look, I know it’s risky. But if we try hard, we
can get her back safely. – Yeah, we just need to believe
in ourselves or something. – And I think you’re just
trying to protect yourself. – No, no, no, no, no. Listen, this is Salomon
August Andrée of Sweden. Resourceful, eternally
optimistic, and a total failure. – Ha-ha! Hi there! I’m gonna fly a hot air
balloon from Svalbard over the North Pole to Canada! Or maybe Russia. Both work. – He’s not sure? – Well you can’t steer balloons. – I can. My balloon will drag dozens of
long ropes along the ground, slowing it enough that we can
use sails to change course! All aboard! Come on gang, hop on the balloon. Hands and feet inside the basket! (chuckling) Just kidding, you can put your feet out. – Whoa. – Up, up, and away! (fire blazing) (dramatic music) (screaming) – (beep) – That’s fine. It is fine now. – It wasn’t. Andrée immediately lost his
only method of steering. And he unloaded so much
weight that the balloon shot up to an altitude of 700 meters. (screaming) At that height, hydrogen
escaped even more quickly. And ice crusted onto his balloon. (screaming) (beep) (splash) (screaming) (soaring music) (screaming) (soaring music) (screaming) – Oh, I’m getting sick. – Get used to it. With no equilibrium, Andrée rose and fell for two days straight. – Everything’s going great. – We’re all gonna die! – Okay, compromise. Let’s say we’ve had some ups and downs. (chuckles) – Boo! (screaming) (thud) (wind howling) – Andrée was forced to
hike back to civilization. First he went southeast. – Eastward ho! – But he was on an ice float drifting the opposite direction. He actually traveled backward! He then converted his balloon into a raft and set sail to the southwest instead. – Westward ho! – But the wind changed
directions almost immediately. (wind howling) – Hmm. – By September 12th, two months
after his initial departure, Andrée decided to camp through
the winter on an ice float, and let the drift carry
him wherever it would. – Wherever ho! – Less than a month
later, the ice broke apart under his encampment, forcing him to relocate to solid ground. Even still, Andrée remained
relentlessly upbeat. Here’s what he wrote about
himself and his two companion. – [Andrée Voiceover] Morale remains good. With such comrades one should
be able to manage under, I may say, any circumstances. – See, he and his friends
looked out for each other. – They were dead within days! (wind howling) – Damn it!
– Aw, that sucks! – Aw, come on! – See, if you try hard,
believe in yourself, and stay positive, you
can still fail and die! – But he was also hasty,
stupid, and unprepared. We can’t knowingly abandon River! – Right!
– Yeah! – Yes we can. I’ll show you. (electric humming) – Where the hell is she? – I don’t know man. – I mean, she must know you’re here. And you’re a child for Christ’s sakes. – She’s kind of a (beep) person. (electronic humming) – It’s 1698, and this
is the Gulf of Darien, in what we know as Panama! But what at this time is called– – Caledonia! Colony of the great kingdom of Scotland! – No, shut up. How can you teach while River is in some mad scientist prison? – Uh, excuse me. I’m very excited to talk
about Caledonia here. – If we try to get her, all
of us will be in danger. – But especially you. – It’s pretty cool! – Yes, so, I don’t want to
end up like this disaster. – We’re not a disaster! We’re the staft of the
grand Scottish Empire. – And also the end. The crops failed, and what
little food they had spoiled in the tropical climate. (chomping) – Oh no, it’s a Caledonian delicacy. – The fort they built had no fresh water. And the colony was beset
by malaria and dysentery and our old friend, yellow fever! (vomiting) – Man, that stuff is everywhere. – This is what I’m saying. Someone should have helped them. – If they did, it could
have started a war. Spain had claimed this
land and no one wanted to piss them off by
trading with the settlers. – So every other country just
watched these people die? – Well, England traded alcohol. – Woo! – Which meant the whole
colony was populated by starving, sickly, drunken nationalists. (vomiting) (bagpipes playing) – Scotland forever! – In the end, only 300 of the original 1200 settlers survived. (thud) (crashing) (water bubbling) – Okay, but what about Scotland? They still could have helped. – They tried! A month later, two ships brought 300 more people and supplies. One of those ships
accidentally burned down. And nearly everyone aboard the other died of disease while trying
to escape to Jamaica. And since word hadn’t yet reached Scotland about the colony’s collapse,
1000 more settlers arrived and did it all again. – I didn’t think it was
that fun the first time. – Oh ho! How’s everyone enjoying the
wondrous land of Caledonia? (chomping) (vomiting) (thud) (groaning) – And on top of all
that, the entire country of Scotland was ruined! Half of all the money in
the country was invested in the Darien scheme. Scotland was so debt ridden,
it could only survive by uniting with England. – So almost everyone
on the expedition died, everyone who tried to
help died, and the country that funded it went bankrupt? – Yes! See how an expedition can go wrong? And how help can make it even worse! – But, maybe these people would have lived if others had helped them. I mean, what about all
the bold expeditions that were successful? – Even some of those
were nearly disasters. (electronic whirring) (dramatic music) – Do you think something happened to her? Maybe she’s in the hospital. I think she just sucks man. I bet right now everyone
else is somewhere way worse, learning something totally awful. – Woo!
– Yay! – We’re in outer space! – River would have loved this! – It’s March 18th, 1965. And Alexei Leonov is about to embark on the first spacewalk ever! (dramatic music) – Cool! (warning alarms) – Uh, is he getting fatter? – Yep, the pressure difference
caused his space suit to balloon up. – Cute. – He couldn’t move his limbs
or fit back into the airlock. (groaning) – Can’t he just vent
some air out of his suit? (hissing) – That’s exactly what he did. But it also brought him dangerously close to getting the bends. (dramatic music) (groaning) (alarms beeping) – In his haste to get back inside, Leonov overexerted himself. Putting him at risk of heat stroke. (grunting) He sweated out 13 pounds of water weight. All of of which was
sloshing around in his suit and getting in his eyes! (water sloshing) (dramatic music) (door hisses shut) – But he made it. – Yes! Which was when multiple systems
in the spacecraft failed. (alarms blaring) – Uh oh, that looks bad. – That’s okay. It’s okay, it’s okay. Maybe he can manually land it. (rockets firing) – He did! In the Siberian wilderness. (wolves howling) Which was full of bears
and wolves made aggressive from mating season. (moaning) (growling) – Oh yeah, you do not want
to mess with a horny bear. That’s how my father died. – Leonov had to camp in the capsule. But an electrical
malfunction broke the heater and ran the fans at full blast! (metal creaking) (growling) – But, but he survived. – Yes. A rescue patrol skied in
the next day the next day to retrieve him and the other cosmonaut. In fact, he’s still alive today. – Aha! You see Miss Foxtrot, how
even a dangerous mission, where everything goes wrong,
can still be successful, with a happy ending. – Oh whatever. Back to class! – No! No, we’re not gonna do
that thing where you preach some cynical monologue
about how the world is bad as (beep) and everything is terrible. We’re getting River! – Wait, Mindy! – Mindy!
– Wait! (dramatic music) (electronic humming) – Give me that! – River! Are you here? – The Q dimension is infinitely large. She could be anywhere– – There she is. – Whoa! (laughing) Whoa! Over here! Oh hey! Have you seen this
place, it’s (beep) sweet! – Yay, we found her! It was suspiciously easy! – Great, let’s get the
(beep) out of here before– – Ha! (dramatic music) You’re mine now Foxtrot! And it took you long enough, I mean Jesus, what the (beep) is wrong with you? (cheery music) (projector humming and clicking) (wind howling) – If you liked that episode of WTF 101, I have good news. There’s way more of it on Dropout. Dropout is the new premium ad free and uncensored platform
from College Humor. (bear growling) Go to dropout.tv and start
your free trial today. (gasping) And don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Nah, this is all gonna turn out fine. I feel safe.

100 Replies to “History’s Most Doomed Expeditions [Full Episode]”

  1. Sign up for DROPOUT with code DOLLARDEAL until 12/3/2019 and get your first month for JUST $1 (actually please don't because we'll go bankrupt): http://bit.ly/30R8tdx

  2. I’m surprised this episode isn’t dominated by 15th century quests to find El Dorado. Those usually ended with a huge portion of everyone who went on the quest dead, a trail of razed native villages and each was usually a disaster of epic proportions.

  3. This would be factually incorrect but this episode was most definitely recorded before his Alexei's death, therefore it would be impossible for them to have corrected in time. RIP Alexei and RIP College Humor's accuracy

  4. It is so retarded how americans censore every bit of sex or bad language, but flood their children with glorified violence

  5. Wait… how hard can it actually be to pull yourself on a rope through space? You know… the place without gravity or atmosphere to stop you

  6. Alexi Leonov died on October 11th, this video was released on November 30th, I would just Say to remain an integrate educational source to update that information

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