By: Kip Calendine Am I getting through to you, Brian D.? Huh? Oh. Uh… Yes sir. Straight through. I swear, every year it’s the same damn cutscene. Some media darling with a five-second kill reel breezes into school on a golden ticket. Buckle up, kid. Cuz this ticket puts you on a plane straight to hell. And the in-flight movie? Super hell. Understood, sir. I know it will be rough here, but… I did get some practice at the Milwaukee Invitational, so… Oh, really? Still feeling cocky, Mr. Milwaukee? You’re the lowest-ranked player in the school! Well I should probably go get some practice then… And as for you, Ki Swan. I don’t care what game your parents developed. What the frag are you doing? Well sir, you cut such an imposing figure I thought I’d make a game about you. Haha, awesome! What are my moves? Calhoun always wins. Acceptable. Now scram, you scrubs. Ah, don’t we get a welcome buddy? Cool your jets, Miss Swan! I was just getting to that. Your orientation guide is… Jenny Matrix. 5,031 points. JV FPS captain. You must be pretty nervous. Of course I’m nervous. Did you see her 1080 no-scope NattyICE? Hahaha, not even close, son! Who’s next? But don’t worry. I’ve got a secret weapon. Hey, Jenny. Nice moves. I’m Brian D. Ahh, Mr. Law-killer, huh. You saw that? I mean– yes. I am. ColdTurkey, get Brian D. here a drink. What? No! I– Who’s Brian D., the kid with the lame hat? Lame hat? Only cool hats for this noggin. I guess that’s cool… Hey, check out the cool kid with the cool hat! Hey, sweet hat, frosh! The name’s Games… Games Dean. So cool. Brian, your secret weapon seems to have misfired. Hey! Come on, we doin’ this or what, D.? Oh! No, I’m not here to fight. You’re our welcome buddy. What? She’s supposed to show us around and… stuff. Alright, sorry guys. Duty calls. Let’s go. And this concludes your tour of VGHS. You took us in a straight line and said nothing. Hey, Jenny doesn’t have time to show us noobs around. She’s got the whole JV team to worry about. Speaking of which… Give me five reasons I should put you on my team. That was pretty transparent, wasn’t it…? Yeah, a bit. Reason number one, I’m honest to a fault! You probably shouldn’t list one of your faults as a reason. It’s okay, Ki, she’s gone. Wait, that’s not okay, I don’t know where my room is! Seriously, guys, fun’s over, right? What’s wrong, baby Wong? Thought you rockstars knew how to party. Yeah, totally, Annihilist! Totally, yeah! Okay, you guys got me. Oh, hey! Ted Wong. Ki Swan. 1360 points. Fighter. Welcome to the Frag Floor, Ki– Hey, leave him alone. What’re you gonna do about it? Stop us? Nope. You’re not. Brian, maybe we should get the R.A. Did your girlfriend just get here? This loser is the R.A. Are you really his girlfriend? Because– Nice. What do we got here? Hey, give that back! What’s this? I don’t know. Something stupid. Chiba? Hanzo? Where’d you get this, the poor store? Where’d you get your manners? The… rude store? Oh my goodness! Aw, sweet burn dude! Nobody… insults my manners. Well nobody makes fun of my gear. And no one insults my new best friend. This sounds like a challenge. Woah, woah… you guys can’t fight in my hallway. Rumble in the Rumpus Room! Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you a match-up of epic proportions. In the cool corner we got, Brian D.! And in the other corner we have some loser that was hardcore guffin’ me. Alright, y’all know the rules! Single life, no respawns. Player one, are you ready? Let’s do it! New best friend, are you ready? Brian, I just looked at the official rulebook. I really think that you should look at paragraphs 12 through 90. Any chance you could paraphrase? Oh okay, um. Read rules. Important. That’s not what I meant, Ki! Alright, let’s get it on!! You can’t hide from me! You’re like a minnow, and I’m a shark, I’m gonna eat ‘cha. Great timing, Chiba. Yes! Yes! Ha ha! Who’s working at the poor store now? Wait, what just happened? Oh, Brian. Paragraph 90, Section 3. Should a student’s rank fall below zero, then they are automatically, ruthlessly and instantly– Expelled. Annihilist, dude, I didn’t know… Four more reasons, Brian. Welcome to VGHS. Jenny, wait! Where’s my room?! On the plus side, dude… That guy was supposed to be your roommate. Dude, I just got a kid expelled. How is that a plus side? YEAH!! Best roommate friends forever!! I’m okay. The one-shot wonder. We meet at last. Hey! Uh, the, uh… the Law… It’s just Law around here, Brian. I don’t mean to pry, Bri-guy, but, uh… Are you okay? What’re doing here? Just gettin some air… You were gonna throw your gear out, weren’t you. I dunno. VGHS is a little bit different than I thought. Chiba and Hanzo just kinda feel out of place. Brian… Look, who are we talkin about here. Your gear? Or you. I know, right? Stupid. Listen. Oh. Old school. Nice. Let me tell you something I’ve always kind of told myself. Fitting in at VGHS is hard, but… You can’t be the best, unless you be yourself. Okay? Never… never forget that. Never let anyone break you. Do you really mean that? More than anything in the world. Chiba!! Too bad you’re in my world now, Brian. Don’t you get it, Brian!? I am VGHS! Welcome… to me!